It took me pretty much 2 days of searching off and on to find a copy of this clip. I finally found it on www.metacafe.com, but can not seem to find a way to embed their video player in wordpress. So I linked the above image, just click on it and it will open a new window with the clip.
Steve Martin as Neal Page.
I think to an extent there is a lot of me in the Neal Page character. Somewhat mild mannered, non-assuming, roll with the punches and take things as they come. But, sometimes punches don’t roll and things just never seem to come. And there is usually a Del Griffith (John Candy) to remind you of that, every damned step of the way.
Why these are great diatribes:
I love this car rental counter scene mostly because I have done some work dealing with extremely irate customers. You would be amazed at the things people will say and do to people who literally have no control whatsoever over their plight. I once tore up a $14.000 check because the guy who wrote it said, “The problem is this stupid bitch doesn’t know how to run a fucking register!” He eventually had to be escorted out of our store by our in house security. And that evening after closing I got a standing ovation from our 30 some odd cashiers.
The second diatribe here I am totally guilty of though. I can think of 2 instances in which I finally lost it and railed into a coworker so bad that they both quit the next day. It’s like I am not even aware that I am keeping this mental checklist inside my head and when they finally touch my last nerve I just spew every little flaw and and say all the things that everyone else has been thinking but didn’t have the balls to say.
Both times I actually felt bad after tearing into them, but work was a much better place once they were gone. And everyone kept coming up to me and thanking me for doing it.
The diatribes:
Car Rental Agent: [cheerfully] Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?
Neal: Yes.
Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent: I really don’t care for the way you’re speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don’t care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn’t fucking there. And I really didn’t care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement.
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
Neal: Oh boy what?
Car Rental Agent: You’re fucked!
Neal: You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You’re a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They’re not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! “Honey, I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.” I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They’d say, “How can you stand it?” I’d say, “‘Cause I’ve been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING.” You know what they’d say? They’d say, “I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah.” It’s like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn’t pull it out and snap it back – you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea – have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener.
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